Nurturing a Mature Marriage

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage requires attention and dedication, especially as we navigate the changes that come with aging. Recent studies show the divorce rate has doubled since the 1990s for U.S. adults aged 55 and older. This rise in "gray divorces" highlights the importance of nurturing and strengthening relationships during this stage of life. Here are some essential tips and practical examples to help you and your partner stay connected and committed.

1. Prioritize Communication

Make regular check-ins about your relationship a priority. Set aside a specific time each week to talk about your feelings and any concerns. Practice active listening to truly understand your partner's perspective. For instance, when your partner shares something important, respond with, "What I'm hearing you say is..." to ensure you fully grasp their message. Express appreciation and affection daily with simple gestures like saying "I love you" before bed or leaving a kind note in their lunch bag.

2. Rekindle Romance and Intimacy

Plan regular date nights to keep the spark alive. It doesn't have to be extravagant; a cozy dinner at home or a walk in the park can be just as special. Try new activities together, such as taking a cooking class or going on a weekend getaway to a place you've never been. Maintain physical affection, even if sexual activity changes with age. Hold hands while watching TV or give each other a massage to keep the physical connection strong.

3. Adapt to Retirement Together

Discuss expectations for how you'll spend time in retirement. Talk about your dreams and plans, whether it's traveling, volunteering, or simply enjoying more leisure time. Find shared hobbies and interests to enjoy together, such as gardening, hiking, or joining a book club. Allow for individual pursuits as well to maintain personal identity. Encourage each other to take up solo activities, like painting or fishing, to ensure you both have time for personal growth.

4. Address Health Issues as a Team

Attend medical appointments together when appropriate to stay informed and supportive. This shows solidarity and ensures you're both aware of any health concerns. Support each other's health goals and efforts by setting mutual fitness challenges or cooking healthy meals together. Discuss how to handle potential caregiving needs in the future and consider creating a plan or seeking advice from a professional if necessary.

5. Manage Finances Collaboratively

Be transparent about spending and savings to avoid financial conflicts. Create a shared budget and review it monthly to ensure you're both on the same page. Make major financial decisions together, like deciding on investments or large purchases. Plan for your shared financial future by discussing retirement plans and estate planning. Consider meeting with a financial advisor to ensure your plans are sound.

6. Nurture Connections Beyond Your Marriage

Maintain individual friendships to keep your social circle vibrant. Encourage each other to spend time with friends, whether it's a lunch date or a church hobby group. Stay involved with family, especially grandchildren, to enrich your life together. Plan regular family gatherings or outings to maintain these bonds. Engage in community activities as a couple, such as joining a local club or volunteering together, to broaden your shared experiences.

7. Embrace Change and Growth

Be open to trying new things and stepping out of your comfort zone. Take a dance class, learn a new language, or travel to a place you've never been. Support each other's goals and dreams, even if they evolve over time. Celebrate each other's achievements, whether big or small, and offer encouragement during challenges. Focus on creating new memories together rather than dwelling on the past. Keep a scrapbook or photo album of your adventures to remind you of the fun times.

8. Seek Help When Needed

Consider marriage counseling for ongoing issues that you struggle to resolve on your own. A professional can provide new perspectives and strategies. Attend workshops on strengthening relationships to gain new insights. Look for local events or online courses that focus on relationship building. Read books on marriage enrichment together to spark meaningful discussions. Choose a book each month and discuss its concepts and how they apply to your relationship.

9. Practice Forgiveness and Letting Go

Address conflicts promptly and fairly to prevent resentment from building. When conflicts arise, focus on finding solutions rather than placing blame. Let go of past grievances to make room for new positive experiences. Practice saying, "I forgive you," and truly mean it. Focus on moving forward together and making the most of each day.

10. Cultivate Gratitude

Regularly express thankfulness for your partner and the life you've built together. Start a gratitude journal where you each write down something you're thankful for every day. Reflect on your shared history and accomplishments to reinforce your bond. Take time to reminisce about the good times and the challenges you've overcome together. Celebrate milestones and anniversaries to honor your enduring commitment. Plan special activities or trips to mark these occasions, making new memories to cherish.

By incorporating these tips and examples into your daily life, you can build a stronger, more fulfilling union that stands the test of time.

References: The Graying of Divorce: A Half Century of Change