Alec Baldwin Admits Shocking Dark Thoughts

Alec Baldwin speaking at the 2016 San Diego Comic Con International. Photo by Gage Skidmore under CC BY-SA 2.0.

Alec Baldwin is once again in the spotlight as he shares how his life has changed since the fatal 2021 shooting on the set of "Rust." The actor, whose involuntary manslaughter case was dismissed in 2023, is now offering a rare glimpse into how he and his family are coping with the aftermath of the tragedy.

The Tragedy That Changed Everything

On Oct. 27, 2021, while filming "Rust," Baldwin was holding a prop gun when it discharged, killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and injuring director Joel Souza. Baldwin has long maintained that he did not pull the trigger and was unaware the gun contained live ammunition.

After being charged with involuntary manslaughter, Baldwin faced a trial in New Mexico that lasted only four days before a judge dismissed the case, citing withheld evidence. While he avoided prison time, the emotional toll of the tragedy has continued to weigh on him.

Life After the Trial

Now, Baldwin and his wife, Hilaria, are speaking openly about how the tragedy has affected them. In the premiere episode of his new reality show on TLC^®, "The Baldwins", he admits to struggling with his mental health. "This past year was just terrible. There were times I'd lay in bed. I'd go, 'Wow, my kids. I can't get up.' That's not like me. I'm not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never," he said in a confessional on the reality show, as reported by PEOPLE.

Hilaria has also seen the impact firsthand, revealing that Baldwin has been diagnosed with PTSD and often questions why he survived. "He says in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'" she shared on the show, according to BuzzFeed.

Despite their struggles, the couple credits their seven children with keeping them going. "I look at the kids, and I see how hard we're trying to create happy for them, even if we're masking stuff for ourselves," Hilaria said, according to PEOPLE.

Moving Forward, But Never Forgetting

While Baldwin is trying to rebuild his life, he acknowledges that the tragedy will always be part of his story. Hilaria, too, recognizes that life will never be the same. "A son lost his mom. We are going to feel and carry that pain forever," Hilaria said on the show, PEOPLE reported.

For Baldwin, family remains his anchor. "Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids going through this. I never would have made it with this," he told Hilaria on "The Baldwins," as reported by PEOPLE. Though the trial is behind him, the emotional scars remain — proof that some tragedies never fully fade.

References: Alec Baldwin and Wife Hilaria Open Up in Rare Interview About Raising 7 Kids and Life After the Rust Tragedy (Exclusive) | "Why Couldn't It Have Been Me?": Alec Baldwin Spoke About His PTSD Diagnosis After His Fatal "Rust" Shooting Incident | Alec Baldwin Asks 'Why Couldn't It Have Been Me?' After Fatal Rust Shooting: 'I'm Happier When I'm Asleep'